Be open to questions and concerns your child might have about
alcohol, tobacco, or drugs. Help them understand the difference
between medicine used appropriately, and drugs used for other
purposes then getting well.
Talk to your spouse about the role that alcohol, smoking, or
drug consumption plays in your family, and how you want that to
be viewed by your child. They are soaking up information in many
ways, in your home, at family gatherings, etc. and you want that
message to be a healthy one.
Parents who are supportive and good listeners, and who encourage
lots of conversations with their children have been shown to have
more success raising children who make good decisions. Start this
when the children are young and keep it up! Talking at bedtime
is effective for many parents, when both of you are relaxed and
loving.
Be watchful for things your child might be troubled or unhappy
about and try to help them work through them. They will learn
to trust you when they are struggling with issues, and will come
to you with problems more frequently as they grow up.
If you have not initiated a discussion about the risks of alcohol,
tobacco, or drug use, now is the time to do it. Provide facts
as well as your family values on their use.
Try to be factual without exaggeration. Explain why some people
use these substances and what risks they are taking.
Again, be aware of your own behavior about these substances,
as children will be more likely adopt your behaviors.
Help young people practice taking responsibility, and learning
about consequences in other areas of their life. However, drugs
and alcohol are not good examples of places to allow them to practice—there
are plenty of other ways for kids to learn about growing up.
Be realistic about the potential for your child to be exposed
to alcohol and tobacco, maybe even drugs. Nobody wants to be the
clueless parent. Have your antenna up.
Start early making it clear that use of alcohol, tobacco, or
drugs will not be tolerated.
Parents who are described by their adolescents as supportive,
involved and understanding are much less likely to pursue risky
behavior. Try hard to communicate these attributes, even as preteens
and young teens act in ways that confuse or annoy you.
Kids this age are curious about alcohol and drugs. It is critical
to provide them with information before they have the opportunity
to use them. Use TV shows, newspaper articles, information from
their health classes, to trigger a family conversation.
Make sure you know where your child is, who they are hanging
out with. Call to insure that parents will be home. Research has
shown that most early drinking happens in someone’s home;
in fact, it is often in your own home.
Check on the inventory of alcohol in your house, and lock it
up if you can, to avoid potential problems.
Kids are undergoing a lot of changes during these years, and
sometimes they can feel sad or depressed. This can lead to substance
abuse, and try to help them deal with their feelings; seek professional
help early if you don’t seem to be getting through.
Reinforce that the use of these substances are not allowed and
you will be terribly disappointed if they participate in such
behavior.
Get a copy of “How to Talk To Your Adolescent About Alcohol”
from the LEAD office or watch for it in your mail (week of October
16th, 2006.)
Practice role playing, helping your child deal with situations
where they might be confronted with a choice about alcohol or
drugs. Some families find that establishing a code word over the
phone enables a youth to get out of situations, without loss of
face.
Make sure you are aware of local curfew laws—11pm on
weeknights, 12 pm on weekends. Your family curfew could be earlier,
of course, and should be for younger teens.
Be on the lookout for alcohol, tobacco or drug use—these
are the most risky years. Occasionally check out your teen’s
room, and get educated on the contemporary forms of drugs, or
drug paraphernalia. Stay awake (if you can) to monitor kids condition
as they return home from an evening’s events.
Reconsider sleepovers. Research has shown that groups of teens
together are more likely to engage in risky behavior.
Stay informed about the negative effects of alcohol, tobacco
or drug use, particularly regarding academic performance or sports
performance. As students are working hard to get into college,
or succeed at a sport, they need to know that such behavior puts
their goals at risk.
Enforce the curfew (parents are not allowed to deviate from
the local curfew, anyway). After they are 18, set a family curfew
that fits with the trust level that you have with your student.
Make sure you communicate the family rules clearly and hold
the line. There are several myths that exist about teen drinking
that you should consider (see myths). You can uphold the rules
in your household, even though you might feel like the “meanest
parent” in town. You are in good company! And make sure
both parents are on the same page about rules and consequences.
Be realistic about consequences; being “grounded for life”
is not effective, even though you wish it could be so sometimes.
Watch your inventory of alcoholic beverages or prescription
drugs, and insure they are not being used by kids.
Again, be mindful of your own behavior and what message it sends
to your kids.
Be aware that college visits during junior or senior year can
be very risky for kids, as they are thrown into the college environment.
A new study has found that these visits can also put kids at risk
for dangerous behavior, unwanted sexual activity, and other risky
situations….
Don’t feel obligated to discuss your own alcohol or drug
use at their age, or in college. You are older and wiser now,
and while it might be fun to remember the good old days, as a
parent you know much more now about the risks that you might have
taken years ago.
Kids feel they are being responsible by having a designated
driver—while this does help the risks on the road, it does
nothing to protect your youth from the many other risks of drinking
heavily—not the least of which are sexual assault, alcoholism,
injuries from falls or fighting, and so forth. Make sure you emphasize
this.
Research has shown that parents impose fewer consequences on
boys than girls (“boys will be boys”?). Be careful
not to be more permissive with a son than a daughter— the
risks are great for both.
Kids returning home from college often assume the rules have
changed—you must make clear the rules for your underage
children. It is still illegal for kids under 21 to drink, it is
still very dangerous to drive with any alcohol or marijuana in
their systems, and the consequences with the law are significant.
Be sure to have family consequences as well, regardless of whether
they are caught by the police.
Set a curfew. While there is no longer a local curfew in effect,
you can certainly have a family one, which gets them off the road
at the risky wee hours of the night.
Parties at your home, without you in attendance, put your students
and you at risk if alcohol or drugs are present. Be firm.
Be aware that if you or an older sibling serves underage students
alcohol, you are subject to legal prosecution.
Ask your kids about the situation at school—encourage
them to talk about what goes on. Try not to react emotionally
even though what they say scares you. Try to get them to be open,
and share your concerns. They will hear you.
Fake ID’s are very common among college students—talk
to your student about whether he has one; make sure he is aware
of the consequences of being caught with an ID, and how you feel
about his possession of one.
If you sense your child has a problem with drugs or alcohol
seek help—and do everything you can to get them to seek
help on their own.
